I Dream

(picture taken at my baptism, prose written sometime in 2007)

I dream of a day
When I’ll feel radiant
A strong and unafraid woman
Untouched by brokenness and pain
I long for the feeling of knowing I’m whole
That I am alive and breathing and complete
I yearn for the day when I know the way I live has a God-ordained purpose
I wish for some piece of a promise
Some fragment of a holy sign
That I will be okay
That these tears are really making my soul beautiful
That re opening my heart is worth the risk
I pray and hope and beg that breaking down these defenses won’t be the death of me
I pray and hope and beg that I will find some meaning
That You will see me through
That You will be with me till the end

I dream of the day when I can trust in Your love
That the screaming will cease and this torture end
I yearn for the day when I can trust in myself
That I can have faith in the goodness that lives in me
That I can let the beauty and the righteousness win
And the battle inside me will end in victory
I hope that I can find myself in You
Truly, whole-heartedly recover my heart in the image of Yours
I pray for the day when I can give this unwavering assurance to my unborn children
I pray and hope and beg that their childhood will make more sense than mine…


(i thank God that since writing this poem i feel so much closer to becoming the woman of God i have longed to be...God has been so good and so faithful...He is rescuing me! Hallelujah!)